remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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