And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
