Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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