you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
