So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
