I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
