Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
