You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
