Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
