So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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