blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
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MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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