I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
