Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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