woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
