does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
