I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
