my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
