Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
