im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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