I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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