Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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