Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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