This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
