I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
