Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
