just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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