Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
