I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
