the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
did i walk over a car last night?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
