He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
