The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
