We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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