There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
