Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
