Just mADE A PArabola og urine
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
