Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
