Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize