i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
