how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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