i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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