Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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