so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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