hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
