Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
