Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
