birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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