Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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