I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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