Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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