i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
