Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
