Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize