you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
