And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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