Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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