just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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