gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
