i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
