I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Green mimosas i think yes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
