mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
