My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
