Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
