Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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