My brain says no but my pants say off.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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