youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
